burned out yesterdays.[open]

[sid roslykova]

Reading. Maybe he was a nerd for enjoying a good book every once in a while. No, scratch that, he was a nerd for reading a book on all the greatest speeches known to mankind that were ever documented. He could have been somewhere else on a Friday night but instead he was in the library reading. Yes, he did occasionally go to a party or two. Yes, he occasionally went out and did what everyone else called 'fun' but he wasn't a big fan of American entertainment. It was a bit mindless and it bothered him on some unknown level. Maybe it wasn't the entertainment itself but the people. It was different from an outsiders perspective every time he went to visit a country. But this wasn't just any country. It was suppose to be some sort of world leader, a developed nation filled with peace, freedom, and property but all he saw was teenagers running rampant. Sure Russia had its defects but there were much more of the older generation than the younger generation in that country. In America, the youth was like a prized possession and he was a bit sick of the media exploiting it even though he'd been here for a while now...If a few months counted as a while.

Glancing down at his cellphone, he easily went through the many texts, most coming from Maryna, his fiancee who was still in her final year o\f secondary school in Russia. The royal brat he was going to marry and have children with and then on top of having to worry about the entire country of Russia, he would have to worry who on earth she was opening her legs to. One would think after being stuck together for seventeen years (eighteen for her) she would be satisfied with him and wouldn't have to look elsewhere to get her adrenaline pumping. Apparently he wasn't enough for her which was why he simply went along with the public appearances, denied any affairs, and he looked like the perfect prince charming of Russia; the one his father was so endearingly proud of.

Running his fingers through his long hair, he replied to a few texts before looking back over at the book on the window sill in the far back that he was enjoying. The light of the library wasn't dim, which he was thankful for, but he knew soon enough it would close and he would have to go back to his dorm room, answer a phone call from the misses, and then stay up like the insomniac he had become. It was a bit stressful being away from Russia when he felt such a compelling need to return and look after it. Apparently it was normal, considering he would take the throne in a few months since his father was so ill...He just needed to graduate and get everything over with. He remained wrapped up in the book of speeches, hoping it would somehow give him inspiration for when he had to give his coronal speech at his crowning but no inspiration came to him. His mind was more focused on the fact that he wanted to be as honest with his people as possible and the Russian prince they loved couldn't and wouldn't be. He would have to hide his one secret from everyone...That secret as to why he didn't entirely care that Maryna was constantly off being Queen Slut instead of being the best example of a woman who would soon become the Queen of Russia.

Women were simply never his thing. He was debating, and had been since he was about fourteen, whether he should or should not tell the entire country he was gay in his coronal speech. They would probably hate him even if it did relieve the pressure a tad bit on his weary shoulders. He was so tired of basically having to full fill expectations of everyone; the perfect prince, the perfect future king, the perfect son, the perfect friend, the perfect boyfriend...Perfection was a state he grew to loathe and since he wasn't even entirely sure whether he was even gay or not considering he'd never been with a guy, he might as well just convince himself he wasn't.

So back to reading about King Henry and Queen Elizabeth and the many speeches they gave during their lifetimes. The beauty of literature was-it could always take his mind off of everything.


outfit
--open

[aiden wynter]

Aiden wasn’t quite a shut-in, if anything he was just shy. His social skills were just….below par, most of his priorities were under “keeping grades up”. They weren’t slipping, but there was always room for improvement. So instead of partying, living life up with the other students and what have you, Aiden Wynters sat in his dorm, working on a paper that had a deadline nowhere in sight. He always wrote out what he was going to type before hand, so that would force him to proof read it. If he just typed it up, he would only read it the day it was due, and if there was some mistake? Oh well. But Aiden didn’t particularly like those chances, now that he really had his work cut out for him; he needed to be as careful as possible. He felt that if it wasn’t for his grades, then he shouldn’t be at Siren. He wasn’t that outstanding in sports, and as far as the male knew, his family was not noble or rich. Aiden was here because someone though he was special and smart, at first this flattered him, but at this point, it just buried him with pressure. ‘One slip up and I could be out of here’ he always thought. He needed to keep everyone’s expectations for him; he always didn’t want this just to be another place he didn’t belong.

Of course even just sitting at his desk, he was getting distracted. He needed to get out, or at least find somewhere else to work on the paper. Aiden shook his head, trying to dissolve the grim thoughts in his head. The male no longer needed to think like that, his life was fine, and negative thoughts only brought him down. Well they would bring anyone down, but that was what his therapist told him to tell himself incase his thoughts got too involved with the past. The past was the past, and nothing was going to change it. The past made Aiden what he was today, and he’s not a delinquent, so he should be proud. So caught up with the therapy mumbo-jumbo thoughts, the brunette just walked out the dorm with his key, and locked the door. It wasn’t until he was outside the building when he realized that he had no destination. He put his hands in the pocket of his hoodie that he wore even though it was warm out. He turned his head both directions, but Aiden just went to the same place when he didn’t know where else to go. The library. He walked with a quick pace so he would not get there before the place closed, then where could he go? At least this got him out of the dorm for a little while, and it was peaceful, it was always peaceful, it was against the rules for it not to be peaceful.

Pulling open the heavy door, he stepped in, feeling it was cooler indoors. Aiden nodded at the librarian as a silent hello, and started to wander around the library. He randomly put his hand out and running his fingers over the spines of the books as he passed them, none of them particularly catching his eye. Once in a while, he would pull out a book and read the back of it, and except for a few on World War II, he pushed them back in there original place. History was Aiden’s favorite class, he didn’t know why, but he always loved learning things about the past, it always fascinated him. Especially European history, sure American history was interesting, but the country’s history only went back so far, about four hundred years or so. But Europe’s history just seemed so much more exciting, it was so vast. There was so much too it, so much to learn. He had about three books before he decided it was enough, he was in the library so he could always go back for more. Plus with only three it would be easier remember where exactly he got them from. Aiden always felt guilty if he just put the books on a cart or left them on a table. He felt it was his responsibility since he was the one who took them out, besides it gave him another reason to loiter around.

Wanting to sit and read, the young male stepped out into the isle and looked for the tables from where he was standing. Noticing that there was someone sitting at one of the tables, he unconsciously started to stare at the other male for a moment before he averted his eyes at the books in his hands. Even though a lot of people go to the library for peace, doesn’t mean they want to be in peace alone. Well Aiden currently didn’t ever since thoughts of his past haunted his mind. So he walked over and placed his books down in front of the other boy. Sid to be exact. To say one of the other reasons he walked over was because Aiden also found him cute, wouldn’t be a lie. “Uh, hi Sid. Would you mind if I sat down?” he asked a little nervously, a little fearful of being rejected.

[/size][/font]

[sid roslykova]

An hour long speech on the concept of divorce and Sid was ready to throw the book across the room. The last thing he needed to read about was anything love or marriage related. He'd never even been in love...Then again maybe whatever he and Maryna had was love and he just didn't know it yet. Maybe it would be obvious when they were married...Eh. He glanced down at his finger with the engagement ring on it; a silver band around the appropriate finger, Maryna's being five times large with a giant diamond on it since she loved the damn hunks of rock so freakin' much. He didn't understand the fascination with diamonds. They were expensive, though money was never a problem for him, and she would probably want a new one within the next five years just because she grew tired of things quickly and jewelery was no exception no matter how much value and sentiment went into the large purchase.

Upon hearing his name, he glanced up as if forcing his eyes to tear away from whatever he was reading. His eyes landed on Aiden and the first thing he wanted to do was hide under a table and try to pull himself together mentally or lynch himself...mentally...not physically. He liked living, as torturous as it was, "Hello," his voice wasn't overly quiet but it wasn't loud either. It was even and flowed with ease but the heavy Russian accent clung to it like white on rice. It sometimes made his English sound ridiculous but it was still understandable for the most part. He made a motion with his hand for him to sit. He looked down at his book again, eyes looking past thick eyelashes at the other male that made that odd feeling in the pit of his stomach start up. Dear God...Last thing he wanted was to actually feel something for Aiden. He was his friend, if anything, and nothing more. They had a class or two together but that was it. Sid was more of an acquaintance with him and he wanted to keep it as superficial as possible. Getting attached to him would be such a bad idea...It would be like being under an eighteen wheeler holding tons of gasoline while the driver was smoking a cigarette while there was a leak and expecting to survive. So improbable and dangerous it was practically laughable.

But he couldn't help but notice and react to Aiden's existence. He knew he had a superficial infatuation for him by day one when their physics professor put them as lab partners for the rest of the year. doing that one lab where they did the typical hands brushing against each other. Sid really did think it was nothing but static...that them touching was like fire and lightening and that he was the only one that felt it because he avoided looking up to acknowledge having felt it, "Homework?" might as well start a conversation, right? Even though Sid was obviously not the type to talk much, it was only something that came with the fact that he didn't know anyone well enough. If he was in his natural environment; in a limo with a bottle of pure Russian vodka with all his friends laughing, all dressed up just going around some random country they decided to fly to for the weekend, drinking, making out with their significant others, hitting up hotel parties or having parties of their own; then he was loud, the life of the party, funny, still his sweet self but around here everyone saw him as some loner who barely knew English when he knew English perfectly since he could obviously speak it.

But he was trying so hard not to be gay...Which was why he avoided the entire school population like they were the plague. He couldn't, however, bring himself to avoid Aiden. Why? Because of those blasted feelings that he was becoming addicted to. He didn't even know the boy's middle name...Not much about him. He knew enough like when he mentioned what his favorite color was, what frustrated him...And then the scars he'd caught a glimpse of a few times that ran up and down his arms. Truly. Sid found them beautiful. In a way it showed he knew what it was like to suffer. It probably wasn't the same type of suffering Sid went through, but it meant he was strong enough to survive it and not actually totally off himself and take the easy way out. God knew Sid had tried it once and he was glad he stopped himself before walking right off the edge of that bridge.


outfit
--aiden

[aiden wynter]

It wasn’t often Aiden had romantic feelings for others. But somehow, even though he knew Sid was straight, he had those romantic feelings for him. He was usually by himself, and he was from a different continent which made him mysterious in a whole different way from the normal meaning. The male had always had a shiver go down his back whenever they touched hands or whatnot in physics. Not a ‘Oh jeeze he’s going to kill me’ kind of shiver, but a good one. But alas, Sid always seemed to avoid his gazes or slip out of sit when he came around, it made him feel like he did something to offend the other, or just in generally unliked. So why did Aiden have a crush on a boy who never in this life time would be interested in him? Who know, the fates or God just seemed to have it out for the orphan. Oh and Sid wore some sort of band on his ring finger, meaning he was beyond taken. Those made these chances sink lower than before. But even if wasn’t taken, or wasn’t straight the chance of Aiden actually voicing his feelings were very low.

Aiden felt sort of silly asking the boy he liked, who probably did not like him if they could sit together. It would probably make Sid uncomfortable, not at what the young male was going for. What he was going for was trying to have a civil relationship with the other male. Being friends with him was better than nothing. It was definitely better being alone. Even though he was used the being alone, socially and in his heart, he still didn’t like it. Aiden offered a smile as a thank you, and quickly sat down, leaving him to feel like a dork. He opened up the book, and laid it out on the table, leaning over to read. Though for the most part it was about things he already knew. It seemed like at this point, every book, every history channel special said the same thing. Maybe this is what he should do with him life, become a historian, but most just share his knowledge about the second great war to other people, or maybe a teacher. Though, Aiden most likely be a teacher in fear of rejection from his peers and students. Often the brunette thought of becoming a priest or such, that way he could spread peach and love to others, and he wouldn’t have to worry about not being like. Not many people didn’t like priest, and he could call all the time he spent before becoming one with the church as his “gay phase” and forget all about his parents, or what happened in the bathroom two years ago.

Looking up from the book he was trying to find new information from, he mentally smiled that Sid was trying to strike up a conversation with him. “No, just reading.” he whispered back. He shifted his arms from his lap to leaning his elbows on the table. Summer was of his least favorite seasons because it was always so hot. And people looked at you strangely for wearing long sleeves. He signed at the thoughts of summer and pushed his sleeves to his hoodie up, forgetting he was not alone, but remembering the coolness of the air conditioner as it hit his arms. Aiden read the spine of the other males book “What about you?”, asking while his eyes traveled from the spine of the book to Sid’s eyes. He look in them for a second, thinking how he enjoyed the color when he realized what he was doing and quickly returned his eye back to his book. How could he do something like that? Staring was so rude, as was pointing. Two of the many lessons he learned with the nuns back home. Aiden felt very embarrassed, and as him and his shrink figured out, whenever he would begin to feel embarrassed, Aiden would rub him arms due to his scars would start to sting. Then it hit him, he was showing the surrounding area one thing he always hoped to forget, his scars. He suddenly pulled down his sleeves and began to rub up and down his forearm, soothing the stinging.

“I couldn’t help but to noticed your ring. Are you getting married?” Aiden asked trying to keep the conversation. In the back of his mind, the part where rebel Aiden Wynters was, the one who always got slapped on the knuckle by nuns was hoping the answer was no. That part of Aiden was a flamboyant rule breaker who let the model student Aiden get all the consequences. The brunette was no longer looking at his book; he hid his arms under the table, and was looking Sid in the face. Like he was taught how all conversation should be. Nuns were very big on manners. Instead of closing his book, he kept it open in front of him, in case he needed an escape. Also to show, he wasn’t stalking the other, that he actually came to the library for books, not boys. But maybe the library was a good place to meet intelligent boys. Not that a most likely future priest should know that.

[/size][/font]

[sid roslykova]

He shouldn't have been polite. He should have remained quiet and continued to read and when he felt satisfied, bid farewell, then be off on his merry way outside to call Maryna or answer one of her calls, and, in the end, go back to his dorm which he did not share with anyone at the request of his father due to his own security reasons that was quite obvious, and sleep until early the next morning to go do whatever was on the agenda for the day. His life, since he arrived in America, had become so dull and uneventful that it was a bit depressing to him considering the fast pace life he normally lead.

But hearing the other male's voice seemed to make his heart jump out of his chest. He had to stop this. He couldn't be friends with him because it confused him to the point where it clouded his judgment which really wasn't a good thing for someone who was suppose to become the future czar of Russia, "The same," he didn't like lying, though he wasn't entirely sure whether he was lying in this occasion or not. He technically was reading but in a way it was also homework. He had to learn how to write speeches correctly though he was already a great public speaker. It was like homework for life instead of school but he would rather not explain all of this to Aiden who he was sure didn't want to hear about it just as much and Maryna wanted to stick with one man for the rest of her God forsaken life.

And just like that, Sid was glancing over at his scars. It truly wasn't the first time he'd seen them and he always seemed to catch them when Aiden wasn't paying attention and he was tempted to tell him exactly how he felt about those but he didn't want to end up sounding rude or like he cared. Caring was a big no because it lead to things Sid wasn't going to allow himself to experience or express. It wasn't good, going down the path his body was urging him to go toward...The path less traveled by only Sid was going to go down the same path every single one of the men in his family went down-the path worn in with foot prints and the least amount of vegetation. Sorry Robert Frost, Sid wasn't going to take the one barely anyone went down. It was too dangerous and he couldn't risk destroying everything tons of generations of his family worked so hard to keep in order and to obtain in the first place.

When he asked about the ring, Sid had to tear his eyes away from the boy and glance down at it, as if he'd forgotten it had been there since a year before he arrived in America. He'd proposed to her. Maryna. He proposed to Maryna...his fiancee. He had to keep reminding himself she was his fiancee. He loved her, right? Of course he did. He cared about her enough to let his father convince him that she was to be his wife and to produce a male heir to the thrown.

"My father arranged it," he said it without much thought, keeping his voice low considering they were in a library, "just like his father arranged his and so on," he shrugged, not really wanting to go into detail. Arranged marriages were simply...Well, it was why there was always so much infidelity within royalty. It was why there was always drama, always problems. Marriage was suppose to be between two people who loved each other. Sid's father just got lucky and was able to marry his childhood sweetheart. He thought Sid would be lucky enough to obtain the same thing but instead he got Maryna...the only female he bothered to really look at since childhood.

Wanting to change the subject, Side reached over, grabbing one of Aiden's arms as if they'd known each other forever, and lifting up one of the sleeves. It was an odd action but he would rather seem rude than get into detail about his own private life. Running his fingertips gently over the scars, he let go, "You should not hide them," he looked away from Aiden's arm and up to his face, fearlessly locking his eyes onto his, "They only prove you've grown stronger."

outfit
--aiden

[aiden wynter]

A smile crept upon Aiden’s face. After every one of his sessions, before he left his therapist would tell him to smile about the little things, because that’s what everything came down to in life. The little things, they brought you up, they brought you down, and they pile together to make the impact either worse or better. He was enjoying the very small conversation he was having with the other male, which was odd, since usually Aiden was not quite sure what to do in social situations. Whenever he and Baby went out together, he would always just follow behind like a little puppy because he wasn’t sure on what to do. The young male enjoyed intimate social engagement to big parties. But they were both kind of wall flowers, and he would always them the awkward ducks of the party. One thing he did like about parties is that he could see so many different types of people at them. It was like watching a nature special about people. Aiden was a bit of a people watcher, and after he was partnered with Sid in physics, he became another one of those people Aiden watched. It was a bad habit, staring, but it wasn’t like he could help it, once the other was in his eye line, he had to force his eyes down. That was something he learned at the missionary, that if you did something you believe you shouldn’t have, bow your head and repent.

Another little thing, he had Sid had something in common; they both went to the library for fun. “I like European history too.” Aiden stated, “It’s more interesting then American history, in my opinion.” If you were reading a book on old English monarchs, you had to be interested in European history, right? And the younger male did know the other was from Russia, one of the very few things he did know. It seemed like no one knew much about him, Sid seemed to be alone a lot, and when Aiden saw that, he wondered if he was lonely. Something Aiden knew a lot about, maybe that was another reason he was drawn the Russian boy. Maybe for the time being the other liked being a loner, but it was not all it was cracked up to be, it would eventually crash down on you. Aiden knew first hand, thinking about that made his hand stroke up and down his left arm, and his smile fade a bit. It wasn’t fair that one mistake, could haunt you for the rest of your days. Some on the nuns still refused to talk to Aiden, since suicide was a sin, the young boy sometimes wondered what the rest of holy gang would think if he came out to them. He had only told one nun, the one who spent the most time and care on him. He loved Sister Kristina, and she loved him.

Aiden had never really had a romance, since he wasn’t really the first move sort of guy, plus it was a little hard to date a guy when you lived in a holy place. He couldn’t lie to everyone, but he definitely could not tell them the truth, sure he had been a few dates, but none of them lasted. But Aiden did believe in love, and romance even though he hadn’t really experienced it, they were some of the things he would day dream about. The good things he could tell his therapist. “Do you love her?” he asked, even quiet for a library. Then he cocked his head. His father arranged it? “You’re father arranged it? Does that happen a lot in Russia?” Aiden could have read all the book in the world, but one does not really know what happens in a culture, until one experiences it. So maybe it was still a common practice for people to have arranged marriages. Maybe it was like Fiddler on the Roof. Aiden looked back down at his book, and randomly turned a few pages. He hoped that he hadn’t asked rude questions. Once again you didn’t know what was acceptable in what culture, until you experienced it.

Sudden Aiden’s arm was taken from under the table. His heartbeat nervously quickened, he didn’t like looking at the scars, and he didn’t particularly like when others did. But he felt too weak to pull it back. To take his arm back, pull down his sleeve, and run back to his dorm. Oh god, now Sid was actually touching his scars. “It…it was a silly mistake.” Aiden whispered, he brought his face up, trying his best to smile. “It’s just a story you probably don’t want to hear...” he continued. The young boy had no idea why he got so emotional about the scars; maybe they just brought back all those feels he was trying to get over. Aiden nodded, that’s what everyone told him, he was stronger, but he just couldn’t believe how weak he was. Actually he could, he just didn’t like thinking about it. “That’s what Sister Kristina told me every night I was in the hospital.” he said, well more like blurted out. He had never really told anyone about the orphan and nun thing, because well he didn’t know why, he just decided it wasn’t really anyone else’s business. But apparently that one part of his brain that he constantly had disagreements with, decided to make it Sid’s business.

[/size][/font]

[sid roslykova]

"Only in...specific families," Sid was obviously very careful with his wording as he spoke, keeping his guard up. It was like he had a wall made of pexi glass in front of him. It was strong enough to keep others out and himself in but was clear so others could still see who he was superficially. He kept everyone on the surface other than his friends from Russia that he was practically born and raised with. They knew the wild Sid that would go to parties and get drunk, would do the craziest things and do anything to have a good time. He would be the perfect prince in the eyes of the public and then behind closed doors he was like a caged wild animal. Sid, some could say, just did what was expected of him and in a new country it was different. His father wasn't down his throat on everything in his life so he felt weird. It wasn't self discipline because he had enough of that. He just wasn't surrounded by people he liked all that much so he stayed quiet. It was all he could do.

Looking down at Aiden's arm, his eyes wavered, "They always tell you you've grown stronger," his accent was thick but understandable and smooth, "But they never tell you how week you used to be," he looked up at him, "It's the past. You should embrace it instead of trying to reject it," he glanced down at his own book, "It will end up eating you alive if you don't."

Basically, Sidwas saying in blunt terms to get over it and he obviously knew it was easier said than done. Sid didn't have the time to dwell on his past so whatever happened, he simply embraced it as a fact of life and focused on the future because the future was all he could ever possible have and could ever possibly mold into whatever was expected through the decisions he made in the present, "And you would be surprised," h slightly looked up at him behind his long hair, "It actually sounds like a story I'd love to hear," he did want to hear Aiden's story...Especially if he had scars and nuns involved, not because of curiosity but because he needed to keep him talking or his mind would stray. It would stray over to how soft his hair must feel, how if he looked into his eyes long enough he would feel like he was free falling and landing softly on a large pile of clouds, the sound of his voice in his ear....

No. Maryna. He just had to picture Maryna...naked or something. She was pretty....Had a proportional body, curvy, seductive yet sweet smile, long hair, bright eyes, baby soft skin....But she had a vagina. As much as he has plowed that vagina in the past, he honestly knew for a fact that he was just fooling himself trying to become straight when he wasn't. He was gay right down to his bones and he figured he was just born that way. He wasn't overly sensitive or played with Barbies or anything. He was like any other little boy who got in trouble and played sports and all. He just didn't feel any attraction toward females. Sure he flirted with them, eventually ended up having sex with the one who would eventually become his wife, but he didn't really love her the way he was suppose to. He cared about her and would do anything for her. Anyone who knew him would simply think he was whipped but he was so far from it it was painfully obvious especially when there was a fairly attractive male in the same area as Maryna and himself. He'd always just end up going quiet...

And feel like he was mentally cheating on her or something and if anything-Sid was not a cheater, "'And no," he felt a bit guilty since he was being a bit defensive and yet Aiden put some of his life out there. He might as well tell him a tad bit about Maryna, "I don't love her the way I'm suppose to," he glanced up and shrugged, "It'll just be a silly mistake," he, in a way, was showing that Aiden's 'silly mistake' wasn't a mistake just like his arranged marriage wasn't, supposedly, a silly mistake.

outfit
--aiden