wellington, lucas

[lucas wellington]

lucas archer wellington - eighteen - senior - male - straight - sylvie - eastern - sean opry

dear lyla,

school is starting next week. i stole the family boat and docked it in cape town. it's early, the sun is rising, and i'm sitting on the deck writing you. dad hasn't noticed, and mom is worried sick. you know, ever since you jumped, nothing has been the same. i won't go into the details though.

what happened that night? what made you jump? did it hurt?

it was weird for those couple months following it. it was strange not having you by my side as you usually were. i used to look in the mirror, and see you standing next to me. we share the same blood, the same endless blue eyes, the same dark brown hair. now, i look in the mirror and see only me. i finished the football season with a bad end.

by the time the snow had melted, i had adapted to the new normal. i found a group, brothers and sisters. the new found buzz that alcohol and parties generated allowed me to see clearly. everything clicked. i tried out for the lacrosse team and made varsity. the world was at my fingertips.

it has been nearly three years now since the night you jumped. i've maintained a 4.0 gpa without doing any work, received countless internships at fortune 500 companies, thrown some of the best parties SBH has ever seen, and held steady positions on the varsity football and lacrosse teams. but none of it matters. daily life is a blur. life is not worth living when everything has already been planned out. i have power, the force that drives all people. it's not enough though, i want more.

you should be by my side right now, standing next to me at those parties, dancing with boys that i don't approve of, breaking every heart at SBH. but you're not here.

what i'm trying to say, is that i should have followed you that night. i should have helped you and told you not to jump. but that isn't the whole story is it? you were happy. if you hadn't been, you would have told me. we told each other everything. but then you started keeping secrets. you started sneaking out. i saw you one night with a guy, but i forgot to ask you about it. mom and dad miss you. i miss you. i miss your smile, that knowing look you always give me, the way we knew what the other was thinking. i shoved you out of your mind and i let myself be.

it's easy to let life pass by. it's easy to let power take control of the person you were. it's easy to jump. but you didn't jump. something happened that night, and eventually i will find out what. until then, i'm letting the power take hold of me. i'm going to enjoy senior year and get into yale. i'm going to throw the parties that no one will forget. i'm going to screw the hottest girls in school. but i'll still feel an absence. i'll still feel a hollow space at my side where you should be.

it's our birthday today. you'd be eighteen thirty seconds before me. those thirty seconds used to be so trivial, but as soon as we got to SBH, you blossomed. even though we were only fifteen, you were so much smarter and more mature than i was. i'm sorry that i couldn't save you. fuck it, it doesn't matter anymore. what's done is done. i'm going to go celebrate with my friends. enjoy it sis.

love, luke.

[/justify]