montague, alessio

[alessio montague]

alessio montague - seventeen - junior - male - hetero - juno - est - francisco lachowski

Do you have any pets?
nope. i feel like if i had an animal, the chance of it dying would be higher then the chance of it living. i can't put a thing at risk like that without feeling guilty, and i don't regularly indulge in guilt.

What color shirt are you wearing?
i'm not wearing one. i bet you like that.

Name three things that are physically close to you:
one: computer. obviously, i'm using it to fill this survey out. sheer boredom wins once more.
two: the physical presence of human hope. stupid fucking roommate is watching a basketball game on tv and sweating like he's actually playing.
three: pirelli's calendar. soooo much better then the hooter's girls.

What is the last book you read?
the picture of dorian grey. i feel like i can sympathize with lord henry, but that dorian is an insufferable idiot. of course you're going to have to die eventually. if you didn't, life would be aimless.

Are you or were you a good student?
i am. i like the way a's are shaped. my name starts with an a. if i had a middle name, it would probably have an a in it. attractive also starts with a, and so does amiable, both of which i am.

What's your favorite sport?
ew. no.
sweating is for those who can't do anything else.

Do you enjoy sleeping late?
not really. i don't sleep much as it is, so sleeping late is weird for me. i guess that's just another in the incredibly long list of things that set me apart from everyone else.

What's the weather like right now?
sweaty with a heavy odor of anticipation.

Who tells the best jokes?
i don't care.

What was the last thing you dreamed about?
i don't dream. when i sleep, if i sleep, it's just black. nice, calm black.

Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
yeah. i crashed my dad's sl550, and he wasn't really too happy about that. i told him to kiss my ass and spend the five hundred grand on another one, cause college is for suckers and i'm not staying in this stupid school system another instant more then i have to.

Do you believe in karma?
no. i believe bad shit happens because of murphy's law, and i'm positive karma has nothing to do with it. i'm not buddhist.

Do you believe in luck?
same concept.

Do you like your eggs scrambled or sunny side up?
that's so... gross. do you even know what eggs are? embryos. i refuse to eat a cooked chicken embryo.

Do you collect anything? If so, what?
do i look like your grandmother? i don't bother with that. it's a waste of time and money.

Are you proud of yourself?
yes. yes i am. and next week, i'm going to put my best effort towards world peace.

Are you reliable?
nope. the only thing you can count on from me is that i don't lie. but if i did, i could be lying and you'd never know whether or not i was telling the truth.

Have you ever given money to a bum?
wtf, no? i don't want to get raped.

What's your favorite food?
cookies. guilty pleasure. a body this rock-hard doesn't come from no small feat.

Have you ever had a secret admirer?
many a time, my dear. many a time. i'm no stranger to receiving love letters, cookies, chocolates, notes in my locker, presents, teddy bears. you name it, i've gotten it.

Do you like the smell of gasoline?
sure. right before i singe out my lungs and explode into a million pieces all over someone.

Do like to draw?
not particularly.

What's your favorite invention?
electricity. and air conditioning. and the wheel.
i can't pick.

Is your room messy?
i have obsessive compulsive disorder. someone moved one of my toothpicks once. that person no longer has a left or a right thumb.

What do you like better: oranges or apples?
oranges. i'd rather peel an orange then eat around the core of an apple. the anticipation of opening an orange makes it taste better. plus, there's less of a chance of eating a worm.

Do you give in easily?
i don't give in, period.

Are you a good guesser?
yes. i'm intuitive when i want to be.

Can you read other people's expressions?
did i not just say that? how else do you want me to say it? i don't speak no other languages.

Are you a bully?
HA.
yes. i actually prefer making people cry, though.
only to slamming their heads into lockers.

Do you have a job?
no. working is for poor, stupid people and i am neither of those things. i like to think of myself as endowed and inclined.

What time did you wake up this morning?
i didn't go to bed last night.

What did you eat for breakfast this morning?
mickey mouse waffles with strawberries for the eyes and a blue berry nose. i like to eat healthy and have fun with it. there's nothing effeminate about that.

When was the last time you showered?
earlier today. obsessive compulsive. i'm not repeating myself again.

What do you plan on doing tomorrow?
cutting class to go smoke a joint by the shore. wait.
um. attending english first period, lunch second, and so on and so forth as i usually do.

What's your favorite day of the week and why?
i hate all days equally. i'd say friday, but friday leads to saturday, which is the day i hate most because it's before sunday and therefore an unholy day. sunday also leads to monday, which i hate more then saturday, and then tuesday is the worst because friday is so far away.

Do you have any nicknames?
no.

Have you ever been scuba diving?
well, i was supposed to go, but there was shit floating on the top of that water and i was not planning on getting into the same body of water as fecal matter. i'll have to pass on that one.

What's your least favorite color?
pink. despite maybe wearing it once or twice. although it is the color of a vagina.

Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about? If yes, who?
i'm sure she already knows, and that's enough for me.

Would you ever go skydiving?
oh sure. i jump out of planes ten thousand feet above the land every day.

What toothpaste do you use?
crest vivid white. minty and whitening, you can't go wrong.

Do you enjoy challenges?
you could say that.

once, when i was five, someone forced me into a race, and i may or may not have jumped on him and pummeled him into the ground when he decided to say i didn't actually win. i won. he just saw me pass the line first from behind it. fucking cheat.

What's the worst injury you have had?
i fell off my scooter when i was little and got a minor concussion. they say it attributed to my genius.

What's the last movie you saw?
the red shoes. with aaliyah.
she made me sit through two and a half hours of
ballerina bull shit. i'd have nightmares if i could dream.

What do you want to know about the future?
absolutely nothing. i want to die young. partly because i already know exactly how my life will turn out.

What does your last text message say?
'there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up'
and that was going out.

Who was the last person you spoke over the phone to?
marc jacobs. present for little sis.

What's your favorite school subject?
english. was that a legitimate question?

What's your least favorite school subject?
i don't really like any of them, apart from english. they're all just ways to pass the time until i'm legally allowed to walk around and call myself an adult by american standards.

Would you rather have money or love?
money. love is just a figment of someone imagination, something believe in when nothing else is available and i will never, ever love someone. money, however, does exist and it will always be there for someone who needs it, if they know how to get it. i'm one of those people.

What is your dream vacation?
away from here. that's about it.

What is your favorite animal?
i don't really like animals. like i said before - too easy to kill.

Do you miss anyone right now?
nope. i'm occupied otherwise.

What's the last sporting event you watched?
baskbetball game with the 'hunk of man' (friend's titled him, i just went along with it), sweating a storm over there on the couch.

Do you need to do laundry?
....
i told you i'm not saying it again.
i refuse.

Do you listen to the radio?
that's what ipods are for.

Where were you when 9/11 happened?
i was in germany, actually. they wouldn't let us go home because of that bull shit, despite the fact that it was in the most-hated country in the world and iraq, not at all anything to do with the germans. whatever, there was a barmaid there with a delicious looking rack.

What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
they don't.
i'd kill them.

Have you ever caught a butterfly?
i'm not gay. so no. i've never caught a butterfly.

What color are your bed sheets?
white. if they're any other color, you can't see the dirt accurately enough and it makes me nervous to sleep on them.

What's your ringtone?
vibrate. no, really. vibrate. by petey pablo.
'i like the way your ass, it vibrates'?

Who was the last person to make you laugh?
no one. i haven't laughed since i was a fetus.

Do you have any obsessions right now?
oh, yes. well, i really love pink thong underwear for myself, obviously. i also really enjoy a nice bubble bath and occasionally listening to justin bieber while ejaculating.

Do you like things that glow in the dark?
no.

What's your favorite fruity scent?
HA.
well, i'd have to say, elton john's sweat is a good one.

Do you watch cartoons?
i really don't watch tv. like. ever.

Have you ever sat on a roof?
all the time. i actually prefer it to desks.

Have you ever been to a different country?
i'm from italy. what the fuck do you think.

Name three things in the world you dislike:
one: retarded questions. if it can be surmised from anything in the context or surrounding area, then don't fucking ask it.
two: repeating myself. if you weren't listening the first time, chances of you listening the second time are slim and i really don't feel like saying it again anyway.
three: when things don't work. it's not that difficult to assemble things the right way, especially with robotic assistance. you jack ass.

Name three people in the world you dislike:
one: the bieb. annoying fucking child. i hope you rot in hell for misrepresenting the male gender.
two: miley cyrus. go die, you insufferable, raspy-voiced pornographic child star.
three: everyone. i don't like you. i really, really don't. it's genuine. i don't lie.

Has a rumor even been spread about you?
someone told people i was pregnant. oh no.

Do you like sushi?
most cultured people do.

Do you believe in magic?
who the fuck are you? lovin' spoonful? no. i don't believe in a device specifically designed to give people an inclination to think impossible things can happen. have you ever seen the look on a child's face when they realize that magic is fake? it's horrible. why in god's name would someone proceed to do it anyway, repeatedly, to scores of children all over the world?

Do you hold grudges?
i destroy anyone who decides to piss me off. it's stupid to hold grudges with dead people.